Mad

My life is pretty crazy right now.

Work is hectic and unfruitful at the moment. Kinda crap.I used to like working. A lot. Because i get to be with the kids and work with them, see them improve.But now that work has turn more into helping and training the teachers, i am getting all the stress and none the satisfaction. I don't know. I just don't think i can relate to adults in a work environment very well. I hate having to come down on adults to do things and chase after them to complete certain responsibilities. I feel like fucking middle-management.

I want to go back to doing groundwork. Get my hands dirty with the kids and not run training programs facing indifferent people who just rather not be there in the first place. Heck, give me a kid that bites and kicks anyday.

Folks are back. Would be great if things are great but the vibes are not fantastic. I guess i rather not think or talk about it. I can only say i am not the perfect kid because i WOULD fight for what i believe in, even though i hate fighting. I think parents hate having a kid like that. Uncompromising bitch, whenever to whoever. That's me.

Gave up on the travel log to china. Seems a hassle though i have tons of materials. Who gives a shit anyway?

Gym has been going on well. Went for body combat class on monday and it felt great to visualize punching the living daylights out of someone(s). Too bad i looked like flabby fish flopping around in a crowded studio. Mind over mirror. If i don't look at the mirror, there's no dispute... i AM lethal. *haii ya!*

Yes.. the wedding prep. Been pretty good. Keeping to budget and timeline. Helps to be an anal-retentive perfectionist at times. Got the bridal salon. Got the photographer. Got the venue. Just not quite good in minding the sensitivities of 'periperal' participants (aka the relatives). Leaving it up to the PR department (him, with the stronger EQ) to mop up my "destructiveness". So far so good. That's what i call teamwork. I 'cheong' ahead to forge new frontiers and he watch my back and tidy up behind me while calming down the startled farmstock.

How typical of one to blog when one is full of gripe.

Got to think of happy thoughts. Soon.

Working on a saturday

.. is what i would call mandatory volunteerism.

In any case, i am here in school and so are some teachers.
This better be a saturday well spent.

Personality Clash

It would have been easier to just say that that's what both of us have. But it is really a little more complicated than that. If anything, i can only say, we fight because on a rationality level, we differ as of ice and hot lava. Yet on an emotionality level, we are two peas in a pod.

Hence, its just like the chinese saying.. Huo xing zhuang di chiu (mars hitting the earth). Most of the time, if we are orbiting in our own paths, peace in the universal and goodness to all mankind. But when our orbits collide? All hell breaks loose. Well, at least in my head.

In Memory of Whisky...

...my brother's 3 mth old schnauzer who passed away this morning

You came into Eric's life at christmas
and would have been his greatest companion.
He was going to teach you all sort of cool things too
and thought you were so bright to learn how to sit so soon.
Remember the can of tennis balls?
I remembered telling him you weren't that tall
to play catch.
Still, he said, when you're older you'll be able to fetch.

Sorry you couldn't stay
because i think he would have like you to.
At least for a long long while.

Know that wherever you may go,
you took a bit of us with you
just as we kept a bit of you
for company.

Stay warm, Whisky...
23th Dec 2004 - 10th Jan 2005

Travel Log 1.2

16/12/04 Thursday : Humen - Guang Zhou- Guang Xi (Guilin)

Set off early morning at 8am to Guang Zhou, hitching a ride with one of my mom�s friends. Arrived at Sha Mian Dao (literally, sand covered island), a rather unique enclave islet on the river where the Europeans and trading posts were. Hence the small area was filled with colonial/European styled buildings and had an old catholic church. Compared to the hustle and bustle of normal day Guang Zhou, Sha Mian Dao was tranquil and peaceful. It was hard not to like a place where you see endless of old people strolling in the park along the river, middle-aged gents and ladies dancing and playing badminton or jian zi. There were also cherubic little kindergarten children out on a late morning stroll with their teachers, their hands holding on to loops along a long rope, smiling and waving to the old uncles and aunties that called out �good morning� in Cantonese. At Sha Mian Dao, we also saw our first �adult playground� which looked exactly like any of our playgrounds except on closer examination of the playground equipment, they were actually exercising machines for the adults. Spent some time take photos and assuring two old ladies in my semi half-baked Cantonese (which I learnt watching old VHS tapes of Hong Kong serials when I was young) that Wilkie meant no harm taking photos of children at the playground. Hence it was mightily flattering when they thought I was a local bring around foreign friends. *heh heh*

Next up, dimsum at Victory Hotel (RMB 40 for 4) before hopping onto a cab to the Chen Academy (Chen Jia Ci � RMB 10) along En Long Road. It was the 2nd visit for me since I visited it with babes a while back, but this time the weather was fantastic (not raining) and Wilkie was there finally to see it with me. It looked pretty much the same, but Wilkie and the girls had a great time taking photos of the intricate figurines made of stone on the roof tops while I sponge off local Chinese tour groups by tagging along behind them and listening to the guide introducing the various exhibits in the traditional Cantonese mansion. After that, on to GuangZhou Museum of Art at Heng Fu Lu by the electric tram (RMB 2) where we managed, by our shabby poor student getup, to get the cheaper student admission tickets (RMB 10 per ticket). Sadly, it was quite disappointing for me because more halls were closed for viewing and what�s available were hardly interesting in my opinion though Wilkie thought there were some �gems� in there and bought almost RMB500 worth of books.

Took another lift from the same friend of mom back to Humen (1 � hr drive) where we had a rather hurried dinner (Abalone/chicken porridge with roasted pigeon! YUM!) before rushing to Shen Zhen Airport to catch our flight to Guilin, GuangXi at 8.15pm. For this next leg of the trip, we would be joined by my parents, one of their friends (yes, the one we hitched a ride with) and 3 of her children. 10 persons in all and quite interesting but I was still pretty glad it only lasted for 2 days. Touched down in Guilin at 10pm and the weather was cool and slightly foggy. Airport transfer cost us RMB20 per head and courtesy of my dad�s arrangement, we checked in Guilin Bravo Hotel, a relatively peaceful 4-stars hotel for the next two evening (RMB380 � double room) though it wouldn�t have been my choice. Perhaps something more �budget� if we had our way?

Stocktaking...

2004 was... OK for me personally, i think.

At least i don't recall any particular nasty incident and unpleasantness, though i seem to have lost some sense of myself, fought with people, became quite stressed at various parts of the year (training with 'colleagues'... wedding prep... urgh!) and not to mention all the terrible things happening around the world (tsunamis, dumb war in iraq).

Perhaps i am not being very fair to 2004... after all, it has given me..

1) Generous birthday gifts
2) A couple of new friends and strengthen the ties of some older ones
3) An enlightening realization that he is 'the One'
4) A chance to go to US for training
5) Sept 9, 2004
6) Rainbow Award
7) Enjoyable holidays to Australia and China

I guess there must be more good stuff that had happened and i am thankful for my slice of it...

When the tsunamis hit...

we are left trying to fix the world in the brand new year...

So much for Happy new year.



Couldn't do much except to donate what we can (school held a collection) and hope that the money and necessities would reach the needy. It is sad that in time of such devastation, there are news of child-rapists taking advantage of the chaos and worries about profiteers clamouring for a piece of the black market pie. More often than not, it just seems like everyone is measuring each other up on how much money each is donating...

Maybe, i just have too dim a view of the world.
Whatever it is, welcome 2005.